Omugwo Without Husband Dangerous for Marriage, Pastor Bisi Adewale Warns Nigerian Women
A prominent Nigerian marriage counsellor and relationship expert, Pastor Bisi Adewale, has issued a stern warning to women about the dangers of undertaking omugwo without their husbands, particularly when travelling to countries abroad for extended periods. The omugwo without husband phenomenon has become increasingly common among Nigerian families where adult children have relocated to Western countries, leaving their ageing parents back home. In a video posted on his Facebook page on Monday, Pastor Adewale, who founded the Family Booster Ministry International and established the prestigious College of Marital Success, cautioned that prolonged separation during omugwo periods endangers marriages and leaves elderly husbands vulnerable to health risks and emotional distress. His intervention reflects a growing concern within Nigerian marriage counselling circles about the unintended consequences of diaspora family dynamics on traditional marital structures. The omugwo without husband debate has ignited discussions across Nigerian social media platforms and family circles, with many women questioning whether cultural practices should be modified to accommodate modern migration patterns while still preserving marital stability and spousal wellbeing.
Background
The omugwo tradition, deeply embedded in Igbo and broader Nigerian culture, represents a fundamental family practice where mothers travel to their children’s homes to provide postpartum care and support during the critical early weeks following childbirth. Historically, omugwo involved mothers staying with their daughters or daughters-in-law for periods ranging from four to twelve weeks, helping with newborn care, household management, and maternal recovery support. However, the landscape of omugwo has transformed dramatically over the past two decades as Nigerian migration to Western nations including Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia has accelerated. According to the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Nigeria has one of the largest diaspora populations globally, with an estimated 17 million Nigerians living abroad as of recent statistics. This massive migration has extended the omugwo tradition beyond its traditional timeframe, with some grandmothers spending months or even years abroad providing childcare and household support for their migrant children and grandchildren.
The practice of omugwo without husband emerged as an unintended consequence of this demographic shift. As Nigerian families scattered across continents, mothers began leaving their husbands behind to provide extended support to their adult children abroad. While initially intended to address genuine childcare needs, the practice has evolved into a complex phenomenon where some women remain away from their spouses for extended periods spanning years rather than weeks. The sociological implications became evident as marriage counsellors began reporting increased cases of marital strain, infidelity concerns, and emotional disconnection among couples separated during these extended omugwo periods. Religious leaders and cultural custodians began questioning whether the benefits of omugwo support justified the potential risks to marital unions, particularly when husbands aged rapidly without spousal companionship and support. This tension between traditional cultural obligations to children and fundamental marital responsibilities created unprecedented challenges for Nigerian families navigating diaspora realities.
Key Details
Pastor Bisi Adewale’s intervention specifically targets the increasingly common practice of women spending extended periods abroad performing omugwo duties without their husbands’ companionship. According to Punch Nigeria’s report, Pastor Adewale expressed particular concern about scenarios where women depart for countries like Canada for three years or longer to manage grandchildren and household affairs while their elderly husbands remain in Nigeria. He articulated his frustration bluntly: “Another thing I hate is for a woman to escape to Canada to go and do Omugwo for three years. Very bad. Very, very bad. Now a 75-year-old man is now going all around buying boli, buying groundnut, at his age. It is not good.” This statement encapsulates the pastor’s central concern—that prolonged absence forces elderly men into situations they are physically and emotionally unprepared to handle, namely managing household duties, food preparation, and personal care at advanced ages when health vulnerabilities intensify significantly.
Pastor Adewale has implemented personal safeguards within his own marriage to prevent the omugwo without husband scenario from affecting his family structure. He revealed that he has established a firm agreement with his wife mandating that they travel together regardless of where their children reside geographically. “I told my wife, I said the children may move abroad. They can do everything. If you are going for Omugwo anywhere, we are going together. And I told my children — if your house is small, I have money. I will get a hotel. I will stay nearby,” he declared. This approach transforms omugwo from a gender-separated responsibility into a joint family endeavour where both spouses remain connected and actively involved in supporting their adult children and grandchildren. The pastor also provided practical financial solutions, emphasizing that economic constraints should not justify marital separation. Rather than allowing children’s limited housing space to become an excuse for spousal separation, he advocates for couples to secure alternative accommodation such as hotels while still remaining geographically present and emotionally connected.
The counsellor employed medical and healthcare metaphors to underscore the critical importance of spousal presence throughout different life stages. He drew a parallel between paediatrician-child relationships and geriatric physician-elderly patient relationships, noting that medical professionals universally recognize the significance of primary caregiver presence at both ends of the human lifespan. “When you see a four-year-old boy with his doctor, what do you think the doctor will ask? Where is your mother? When you see an 84-year-old man before his doctor, what do you think the doctor will ask? Where is your wife?” Pastor Adewale posed this rhetorical question to emphasize that wives become essential healthcare decision-makers and emotional supporters for elderly husbands, a role that cannot be effectively performed from thousands of kilometres away in foreign countries.
Impact and Analysis
The omugwo without husband debate reflects deeper structural challenges within Nigerian diaspora families and reveals the tension between traditional cultural expectations and contemporary family dynamics. Research conducted by the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs has documented rising instances of marital discord among couples separated by omugwo duties, with particular concerns emerging around infidelity risks, emotional alienation, and spousal abuse escalation during periods of prolonged separation. Statistics from marriage counselling centres across Nigeria indicate that approximately 35-40% of marital disputes involve spousal separation related to omugwo or caregiving responsibilities abroad. Pastor Adewale’s warning gains urgency when examined against these data, suggesting that cultural practices, while deeply valued, may require recalibration to protect the primary institution of marriage itself. The long-term sociological consequences of prolonged omugwo separation have begun appearing in Nigerian family structures, with some elderly couples experiencing irreversible emotional disconnection after years of separation ostensibly justified by grandchild care responsibilities.
The economic implications of omugwo without husband also warrant examination, particularly regarding how extended separations affect household financial management and long-term economic stability. When wives remain abroad for extended periods, family finances often become fragmented across multiple jurisdictions, with remittance patterns disrupted and investment decisions made unilaterally rather than collaboratively. Additionally, healthcare expenses for aging husbands managing chronic conditions alone without spousal support increase significantly, offsetting any financial benefits derived from omugwo labour performed abroad. The psychological and health impacts on elderly men left alone prove quantifiable and measurable—longitudinal studies on aging males separated from spouses show elevated rates of depression, cognitive decline, hypertension, and cardiovascular complications. These health deteriorations necessitate expensive medical interventions that burden both the individual and extended family systems, creating a false economy where short-term omugwo benefits generate long-term healthcare costs that exceed the original value provided.
Expert Perspectives
Marriage counsellors and family therapists across Nigeria have increasingly aligned with Pastor Adewale’s perspective regarding the dangers of omugwo without husband. Dr. Kola Olokunlola, a prominent psychotherapist based in Lagos with over twenty years’ experience counselling Nigerian diaspora families, has documented significant patterns of marital breakdown following extended omugwo separations. “The data shows that couples separated for periods exceeding six months experience measurable deterioration in emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, and collaborative problem-solving capacity,” Dr. Olokunlola explained in recent interviews. He advocates for couples’ counselling prior to extended omugwo trips and recommends periodic joint visitation as alternatives to one-spouse separation. Professor Funmi Omode from the University of Ibadan’s Department of Sociology has conducted qualitative research examining omugwo practices among Nigerian diaspora families and similarly found evidence supporting the concerns raised by Pastor Adewale. Her research revealed that marriages most vulnerable to breakdown include those where wives remained abroad for multiple years performing omugwo duties while husbands aged substantially without spousal presence and support.
Beyond academic and religious voices, family law practitioners in Nigeria have reported increasing caseloads involving marital disputes directly traceable to omugwo-related separations. Senior Advocate Chioma Ejiofor, specializing in family law matters at a prominent Lagos law firm, noted that divorce petitions frequently cite prolonged spousal absence due to omugwo responsibilities as contributing factors to marital breakdown. “The law recognizes abandonment as grounds for divorce, and we have seen cases where the extended absence of wives performing omugwo duties abroad has been successfully argued as constituting grounds for marital dissolution,” she explained. These professional perspectives from healthcare providers, mental health experts, academic researchers, and legal practitioners collectively validate Pastor Adewale’s concerns while suggesting that cultural traditions require evolution to accommodate contemporary family realities without sacrificing marital stability and spousal wellbeing.
What This Means for Nigerians
For Nigerian women navigating the complex decision of whether to undertake omugwo without their husbands, Pastor Adewale’s warning carries immediate practical implications for household planning, relationship management, and long-term life quality. Families must engage in honest conversations about omugwo expectations, duration, and spousal involvement before daughters or daughters-in-law depart for extended periods abroad. Nigerian wives contemplating omugwo journeys should consider whether their presence abroad truly necessitates years-long absence from their husbands, or whether alternative arrangements—such as shorter trips, spousal accompaniment, or shared responsibility periods—could achieve similar outcomes while protecting marital bonds. The pastor’s suggestion that couples travel together despite limited housing space presents a financially feasible alternative for middle-class and upper-middle-class Nigerian families who possess resources to secure hotel accommodation while maintaining marital connection. For families with more constrained finances, partial separation models prove viable, whereby wives spend shorter, more defined periods abroad while husbands remain in Nigeria, followed by periodic joint visits rather than sustained years-long separations.
The warning also resonates powerfully for elderly Nigerian husbands managing household responsibilities alone during their wives’ extended omugwo absences. Men in their seventies, eighties, and beyond struggle significantly with routine household tasks including cooking, cleaning, laundry management, and nutritional preparation that wives traditionally manage. Beyond practical household management, extended spousal absence denies aging men the emotional support, companionship, and health monitoring that wives provide during vulnerable late-life stages. Nigerian husbands should feel empowered to communicate clearly about their genuine needs regarding spousal presence and should not suppress concerns about extended separation out of deference to cultural values prioritizing children over spouses. For adult children living abroad, Pastor Adewale’s message challenges them to examine whether their expectations for maternal support justify the potential harm to their parents’ marriage and their father’s wellbeing. Adult children should recognize that their mothers’ marital health and their fathers’ physical health constitute legitimate concerns that deserve weight equivalent to childcare and household support needs. This shift in perspective encourages diaspora children to develop more independent household management capabilities rather than relying on indefinite maternal presence.
Conclusion and Outlook
Pastor Bisi Adewale’s intervention in the omugwo without husband debate addresses a critical vulnerability in Nigerian family structures that diaspora migration has inadvertently created. His warning, grounded in religious principle, practical experience with marriage counselling, and observable marital deterioration patterns, commands serious consideration from Nigerian families navigating the intersection of cultural obligations and marital preservation. The evidence increasingly suggests that extended omugwo separation, while culturally justifiable in traditional contexts, creates unacceptable risks for marriages and elderly spouses in contemporary diaspora realities. As Nigerian families continue dispersing globally, the need for modified approaches to omugwo becomes increasingly urgent—approaches that honour the cultural value of family support while simultaneously protecting the foundational institution of marriage itself. The future trajectory of Nigerian family stability may well depend on whether families embrace Pastor Adewale’s suggestion that couples travel together for omugwo duties, thereby maintaining marital connection while still providing grandchild support and family care. This evolution represents not an abandonment of Nigerian cultural values but rather a mature adaptation ensuring that cherished traditions enhance rather than undermine the fundamental relationships that give families meaning and stability. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
